between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We left an ass print on the piano.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize