last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
