He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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