I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize