Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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