"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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