i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
