capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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