Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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