I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
