im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The ass gains better be worth it
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
