mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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