I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
