I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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