yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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