On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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