4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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