I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
