worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize