If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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