I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
