420 ftw
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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