Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
