I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
