i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
