Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
