just tell him i said nine months
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
