I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
