Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
