Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
