Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
