I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
