he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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