I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
