wrigley field is MILF paradise
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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