We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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