Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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