Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
