I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Sober January is a disaster.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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