I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
