I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have aggressive nipples.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
