just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize