i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
