Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
