Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
