and you said cock pushups were impossible
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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