I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
