Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
