i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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