I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize