I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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