I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
