May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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