I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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