We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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