Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
