She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
