I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
