so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
