My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
