SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I could fuck to npr.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I lost the right to judge tonight
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
