I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
and you fell through a lawn chair
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
