addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
