Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
