So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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