dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
