The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
